You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
i think i just lost a toe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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