We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
