you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
soo... how was my night?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
