i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
