giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
