Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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