Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
