there's paper in my vomit.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
