he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
