oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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