is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
