I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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