Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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