maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
