he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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