he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
