I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we're making bets on your personal life
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
