She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In other news, I just burned my penis
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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