It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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