I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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