I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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