with your own penis?
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
