i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
