Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
