just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
