i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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