It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
