I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
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