evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
