I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
