They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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