dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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