Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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