I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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