apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
