ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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