Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
