I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
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