I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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