I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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