WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
