I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
