dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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