how do flat chested girls get laid?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
