I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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