Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
