3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
