Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
