he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
