when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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