maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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