I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
