And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
