4 words: hood of his car
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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