apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
