Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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