Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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