remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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