I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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