Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
