Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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