I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
