I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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