The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
