he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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