I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i love accidental penises.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
