He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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