at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
