You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
