I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
