At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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