I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
