hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
