What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
